The Lord has been kind to close a recent chapter of difficulty, anxiety, stress.... and growth (though i hope the growth continues).
When we decided to move back to Georgia in January of 2008, one of our biggest prayers was that our house in Chattanooga would sell, and that we would not have to go through another hard house situation (our move from Georgia to Tennessee had been a painful and stressful experience). Basically, our prayer was that God would make things easy and comfortable with no hardships. I'm sad to say we cared more about that- because of my weak faith- than we did about growing in our experience of, knowledge of, love for, and trust in God. We thought if God made it easy, that would be a sort of confirmation that our move was indeed his will and that our faith was strong.
But where did i get the idea that safety and security followed God's will, or proved genuine faith? Certainly not from the Bible. If you look at Hebrews 11, just the first 3 people, prosperity and peace do not always follow obedience. Abel had faith, he died. Enoch had faith, he did not die. Noah had faith, everyone else died! Most of these were more concerned with faithfulness and fruitfulness than safety, security, or obsession about the future. So, the Scriptures abound with examples that "through many tribulations must we enter the kingdom of God." God never promised that our road would be easy. It wasn't. some nights i would wake up full of anxiety and fear. I would cry out to God, wrestle with God, blame God, seek God, get mad at God, repent, cry, etc... I though God was killing me. In a sense, He was.
We first put the house up for sale in January 08. We could not afford to list with a Realtor because we had little to no equity. We moved to Georgia in April (after commuting for about 6 weeks) into some friends' basement. At the end of May we had found a renter for our house. it was supposed to be a "Lease-purchase" contract where this young couple would buy the house once their credit score was high enough. I thought they could manage it. So we ventured out and were able to buy a house here in Dawsonville, GA- the day before my daughter Abigail's 4th birthday. We were thrilled with the new house and the new ministry work. However, i had this worried feeling that things would not work out with the Chatt house, so my joy in the new one was always qualified.
Well, soon afterwards, one by one, all my fears became reality. The renters couldn't pay rent. They didn't take good care of the house. We fell behind on payments. We had to evict them after 4 months. We listed the house with the top selling agent in Chattanooga- even though we could not afford it. We waited. nothing.... month by month.... nothing.
Well, God never promised it would be smooth sailing. Anyone who says otherwise is flat out lying, misguided, or trying to take your money. But God did promise something better. God gives us Himself- promising to be with us always, use everything for our ultimate good, and to conform us into his image. Did we make a mistake buying that house or moving? I don't think so. Did we buy wrong house? Well, we didn't buy the house that would sell, but we did buy the house that would make us holy- that is, teach us to love, trust, and rely upon God. The scriptures say that such trials are designed to make us not rely upon ourselves!
And God blessed us big time along the way. We have made some of the best friends ever in this last year. We have seen a new church be planted and grow. We have seen neighbors join us in our journey. We have been blessed as a family with health, joy, and every real need supplied. We have felt "at home" here. We have been able to use our gifts for the common good. We have been infused with passion to live a missional life for Christ's sake. It has been good.
The house in Chattanooga eventually foreclosed. Well, the first mortgage foreclosed, the second is dragging their feet. The house auctioned off on monday- April 27, so the house is officially off our hands...... 16 months after we first put it up for sale! Whew! Thank God! UNfortunately, even though the mortgage liens disappear, the actual debts do not. Our loan on that house was originally an 80/20 loan.... with the same bank, later sold to 2 seperate banks.... of course, i had no say on that! This kept us from being able to get the "short sale" and "deed-in-lieu" options we had requested along the way. So, the 2nd mortgage has not yet foreclosed on us, they just keep reporting our debt to the credit bureaus every month. They will soon close it and we'll just have the foreclosures on our record for a while............ like so many others around the country right now. It stinks. our credit is shot. But thank God we already had this house before the bottom fell out. And who knows? maybe having no credit will keep us from making stupid purchases and keep us out of debt!
Alot of time went in to managing that mess. I only pray that God's work in my heart will continue. Honestly, i did not handle all of this well. I struggled a lot. i'm not proud of it. I sinned a lot in the process. But God's grace is sufficient for me. I am thankful for the hardship, and hope it produces in us a harvest of righteousness and peace.